Congrats on your third-to-last tax deadline, Gayla! You're almost there!
Reading your reflections about friendship after reading this book reminded me of a time in college when I came home (to my three male roommates, who I lived with for years), drunk and sobbing, because I "would never have friends like on Sex in the City." (This is so ludicrous I'm laughing while I'm typing this, but that's definitely how sad I felt at the time.) Female friendships can be complicated, and they change at different stages of life for a huge variety of reasons. I think it's wonderful that you realized you want to make friendships a priority *before* you've retired -- you have time to work on it, you know?
Female friendships are definitely complicated, and for me, it is more complicate the older I get. It seems next to impossible now. Thanks for cheering me on, I appreciate you. :)
What a great review, thanks for the link. I think that this book is going to be a re-read for me at some point. It impacted me so much the first time through, I have a feeling there is more there to learn. I just have to be open to it.
I think I have been listening to News via NPR and their affiliates for most of my life. We now have a book we have both read! I thought the book refreshing because it was not about politics yet Nina and Ruth would seem the perfect candidates for a political book. For me, thinking of the country as nearly 250 years old, it seems RBG arrived at a time and litigated cases that FINALLY stopped excluding women from some semblance of equality. It seems clear the current Court might continue to retrench from that. RBG recognized the slow pace of the law and the building of precedence. This takes generations. The fact that regardless of the long-term legacy, we do seem to have a Court willing to knock down and reverse those precedents likely means a VERY LONG path to start again. I fear that we FINALLY have a generation of Americans that having lived with some equality of rights, they will be UNWILLING to patiently wait for a group of old people in robes to inform them about what they think the Founders thought of their rights and hence limit them into the future. It seems inconceivable to me that my children and their partners will accept all of the retrenchment without a fight. My lasting perspective of women like Nina and Ruth is they were born and raised in a world where even having a bank account in their own name was not straightforward (like my Mom). I hope this time around there are at least some men who will say finally enough is enough and abandon their allegiance to control. I fear it will be up to women to assume they must resist alone.
Reading this book made me realize just how much I don't know about RBG and how much attention I haven't paid to her, politics or other important things that I do pay attention to now. I've got a couple more books on hold through Libby related to RBG and I'm excited to learn more about her life and career. I can remember my mother signed her checks Mrs. (father's name). Even as a little kid, I thought that was strange. I'm sure I asked her why, but I don't remember her answer. It probably would have been something like, "that's just the way things are done," or some such BS. I would bet there are other books that we have in common too. :)
You're welcome, come back and let me know what you think about it after reading it. You look much younger than I am, it would be interesting to hear about what someone your age thinks about their friendship and if it hit you as hard as it did me.
I just finished Dinners with Ruth and I loved it. It was a great historical reference from Nina's eyes. And I love the various stories of friendship from all aspects of her life, not just with RBG. I sort of wished that she wrote more about her friendship with her sisters. I have 2 sisters too. I am almost 40 and I have noticed I'm more selective and mindful about my friendships. This was a great perspective on all the different types of friendships one can and could have in their lifetime. Thanks for the rec!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it Stephanie and I agree, I would have enjoyed more about her sisters too. I grew up with two much older brothers so I've always been curious about a sister relationship. I've had a few good friends throughout my life that are probably the closest I'll ever come to having a sister. I'm still thinking about this book and it will probably be a book I read parts of again and again. :)
I have found after retiring from my IT career and starting a new chapter of mostly solo work, that I am craving more friendship. This is in part because I lack real world writer friends. And because of, Covid, I have not kept up with more work friends from before. I get it.
I've read a lot recently about women craving more friendship because of Covid, working from home and everything that entailed. Some people make friends easily and others, not so much. I have always fallen into that category. And when I've tried, it hasn't always worked out the way I've wanted it to. Maybe I'm trying to hard, maybe I just need to let it happen, if it is supposed to happen.
I've listened to Nina on the radio for years and, of course, followed story after story about RBG but I never knew they were close friends and I didn't know about this book. Thank you for that.
I think constantly about friendship. I have written about it but only scratched the surface in terms of understanding all the forms it can take. As Sarah says in her comment, female friendships can change at different stages of life. Back in early 2016, four different women from different and important stages of my life came to see me. It was a fluke, but it woke up parts of me that were dormant or gone underground. After the last one went home, I was left with a feeling of gratitude and longing. I am cheering you on in your decision to be open to friendship now and in the coming years. I will follow your lead.
Thanks for your story, it gives me hope that I can learn to do things differently. How nice that those 4 women came to see you, what a special gift. The gift is that you had 4 women that obviously felt something special with you and that is precious and doesn't happen often. I don't usually get introspective much, but this book has hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm still reeling and trying to determine what happens next. :)
I can appreciate your observation friendships and I hope you find more of them. I feel very fortunate that thanks to nomading, I have found more of those experiences in my fifties.
I'm glad you are finding friends with "nomading." Do you find that those are lasting friendships that you keep going even after you leave one destination and move on to the next or are they more casual/surface friendships? Maybe that's my problem, I'm looking for a deeper friendship and I'm not open to a more casual one. More food for thought...
When I meet people I REALLY connect with, I work very hard to keep those connections via social media/zoom/etc. We met some really great people our first year, and I'm very proud to say that those folks are some of our best friends today. In fact, we spent a week with three of them earlier this month in Como, and we're going to the Netherlands in two weeks to spend time with two more. It takes work but is definitely worth it!
Thanks Michael for responding back. How nice that you and Brent have met people that have become good friends. Friendship, like all relationships, take hard work. I'll file that away for future use. Enjoy your trip to the Netherlands.
What a lovely post, Gayla. I suspect I would be in tears over that book,too.
Have you read, Let’s Take the Long Way Home: A memoir of friendship by Gail Caldwell? It’s also about a pair of brilliant women in mid-life, both writers, who meet because of their dogs. I loved it and I think you would, too.
No, I have not read that book, I've never heard of it. I downloaded it from Libby and I'm about 1/3 of the way through it. I have a feeling that I will be in a puddle of tears at many points through this book. You were correct, I am loving it. Thank you so much for the recommendation as I never would have found it on my own.
Thanks for writing about two of my heroes and for recommending Nina Totenberg’s book. I’ve been listening to NPR and learning from Nina forever. No one is more knowledgeable and insightful about the Supreme Court--and I soaked up everything she had to say about her friendship with RBG. I’m not surprised that reading a memoir of a close and inspiring friendship between two such accomplished women at a pivotal point in your life would trigger some soul searching. I imagine it will do the same for me and many others as well. Thanks again for your honesty and insights.
Thanks for being here Ruth. It seems like I'm the only one that has never heard of Nina before; I truly wish I had been listening to her all this time. I would have loved to have heard more about her friendship with RBG in her own words, and not just through the book. I've devoured the few podcast episodes that have featured her discussing her book when it came out last month.
You did discover her--and that’s what counts! And you shared your insights with the rest of us, so now I’ll rediscover her and RBG through her memoir. 😊
Thanks Ruth and yes that is what counts! I need to learn to be more open, not just to books, but everything. I realize how "set in my ways" I've gotten about many things and I'm not happy with those things the way they are.
As long as we’re breathing, change is always possible. I feel like I’m always working toward a “better” self, though how I define that has changed through the years. We all need challenges--physical, mental, spiritual, whatever--maybe even more so as we age. Anyway, that’s true for me!
I feel like I've been listening to NPR - and Nina - for a good part of my life. No matter where I live, I always find the local NPR channel, plus NPR on my SiriusXM and now on the app every morning. It's just a part of my routine. Whenever I hear Nina's name, after I think of the Supreme Court, I think of how NPR gives away "Nine Totenbags" (tote bags) during their fundraising. ;-)
This is in my TBR pile, which I can't seem to keep up with. I'll definitely bump it up to the top. I dearly loved and admired RBG. At 50, I don't have the close female friendships I'd like to have, so I think that will probably make me love this more, as well as cry. I suspect I'll cry. Thanks for the great review!
Grab the tissues. If you are receptive, it will definitely make you cry. I don't know that this book would have affected me 5 years ago, as I wasn't receptive. I think being this close to retiring, and having a different future to look forward to than I've ever had in the past, makes me realize what I've been missing for quite a while. I'd love to hear what you think of it once it has made its way to the top of your TBR.
The idea of less is more and being ok with reading less. I have an ambitious goal every year, but the article has me asking: Why? And the idea of reading as the "master hobby" and the snobbishness that I have when it comes to reading. I love reading because it is something completely within my control that I can track and collect data on, which is appealing, and I don't want my numbers to diminish. I want to be known as a Reader. But why not just read when I feel like it? Why not play that video game I've been wanting to play? Why not spend time savoring a book more rather than seeing it as something that must be done and checked off? It gave me lots to think about and I appreciate you sharing it.
What great points you've made for less is more; you've given me a lot to think about now. I like the feeling of a sense of accomplishment and that is mainly why I set a reading goal. I won't get near it this year, and I'm not really sure of the reasons why. Thanks for sharing.
Congrats on your third-to-last tax deadline, Gayla! You're almost there!
Reading your reflections about friendship after reading this book reminded me of a time in college when I came home (to my three male roommates, who I lived with for years), drunk and sobbing, because I "would never have friends like on Sex in the City." (This is so ludicrous I'm laughing while I'm typing this, but that's definitely how sad I felt at the time.) Female friendships can be complicated, and they change at different stages of life for a huge variety of reasons. I think it's wonderful that you realized you want to make friendships a priority *before* you've retired -- you have time to work on it, you know?
Female friendships are definitely complicated, and for me, it is more complicate the older I get. It seems next to impossible now. Thanks for cheering me on, I appreciate you. :)
Thanks Gayla. Here's my review for NPR of Nina Totenberg's book: https://www.npr.org/2022/09/12/1119901363/nina-totenberg-ruth-bader-ginsburg-dinners-with-ruth
What a great review, thanks for the link. I think that this book is going to be a re-read for me at some point. It impacted me so much the first time through, I have a feeling there is more there to learn. I just have to be open to it.
I loved the link to the libraries. The London calling library was my favorite. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading and being here Lisbeth. :)
I think I have been listening to News via NPR and their affiliates for most of my life. We now have a book we have both read! I thought the book refreshing because it was not about politics yet Nina and Ruth would seem the perfect candidates for a political book. For me, thinking of the country as nearly 250 years old, it seems RBG arrived at a time and litigated cases that FINALLY stopped excluding women from some semblance of equality. It seems clear the current Court might continue to retrench from that. RBG recognized the slow pace of the law and the building of precedence. This takes generations. The fact that regardless of the long-term legacy, we do seem to have a Court willing to knock down and reverse those precedents likely means a VERY LONG path to start again. I fear that we FINALLY have a generation of Americans that having lived with some equality of rights, they will be UNWILLING to patiently wait for a group of old people in robes to inform them about what they think the Founders thought of their rights and hence limit them into the future. It seems inconceivable to me that my children and their partners will accept all of the retrenchment without a fight. My lasting perspective of women like Nina and Ruth is they were born and raised in a world where even having a bank account in their own name was not straightforward (like my Mom). I hope this time around there are at least some men who will say finally enough is enough and abandon their allegiance to control. I fear it will be up to women to assume they must resist alone.
Reading this book made me realize just how much I don't know about RBG and how much attention I haven't paid to her, politics or other important things that I do pay attention to now. I've got a couple more books on hold through Libby related to RBG and I'm excited to learn more about her life and career. I can remember my mother signed her checks Mrs. (father's name). Even as a little kid, I thought that was strange. I'm sure I asked her why, but I don't remember her answer. It probably would have been something like, "that's just the way things are done," or some such BS. I would bet there are other books that we have in common too. :)
Oooh, this one is next on my reading list. Thanks for the rec on Dinners with Ruth!
You're welcome, come back and let me know what you think about it after reading it. You look much younger than I am, it would be interesting to hear about what someone your age thinks about their friendship and if it hit you as hard as it did me.
I just finished Dinners with Ruth and I loved it. It was a great historical reference from Nina's eyes. And I love the various stories of friendship from all aspects of her life, not just with RBG. I sort of wished that she wrote more about her friendship with her sisters. I have 2 sisters too. I am almost 40 and I have noticed I'm more selective and mindful about my friendships. This was a great perspective on all the different types of friendships one can and could have in their lifetime. Thanks for the rec!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it Stephanie and I agree, I would have enjoyed more about her sisters too. I grew up with two much older brothers so I've always been curious about a sister relationship. I've had a few good friends throughout my life that are probably the closest I'll ever come to having a sister. I'm still thinking about this book and it will probably be a book I read parts of again and again. :)
I have found after retiring from my IT career and starting a new chapter of mostly solo work, that I am craving more friendship. This is in part because I lack real world writer friends. And because of, Covid, I have not kept up with more work friends from before. I get it.
I've read a lot recently about women craving more friendship because of Covid, working from home and everything that entailed. Some people make friends easily and others, not so much. I have always fallen into that category. And when I've tried, it hasn't always worked out the way I've wanted it to. Maybe I'm trying to hard, maybe I just need to let it happen, if it is supposed to happen.
I've listened to Nina on the radio for years and, of course, followed story after story about RBG but I never knew they were close friends and I didn't know about this book. Thank you for that.
I think constantly about friendship. I have written about it but only scratched the surface in terms of understanding all the forms it can take. As Sarah says in her comment, female friendships can change at different stages of life. Back in early 2016, four different women from different and important stages of my life came to see me. It was a fluke, but it woke up parts of me that were dormant or gone underground. After the last one went home, I was left with a feeling of gratitude and longing. I am cheering you on in your decision to be open to friendship now and in the coming years. I will follow your lead.
Also: YAAAY on only two more tax deadlines!
Thanks for your story, it gives me hope that I can learn to do things differently. How nice that those 4 women came to see you, what a special gift. The gift is that you had 4 women that obviously felt something special with you and that is precious and doesn't happen often. I don't usually get introspective much, but this book has hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm still reeling and trying to determine what happens next. :)
I can appreciate your observation friendships and I hope you find more of them. I feel very fortunate that thanks to nomading, I have found more of those experiences in my fifties.
I'm glad you are finding friends with "nomading." Do you find that those are lasting friendships that you keep going even after you leave one destination and move on to the next or are they more casual/surface friendships? Maybe that's my problem, I'm looking for a deeper friendship and I'm not open to a more casual one. More food for thought...
When I meet people I REALLY connect with, I work very hard to keep those connections via social media/zoom/etc. We met some really great people our first year, and I'm very proud to say that those folks are some of our best friends today. In fact, we spent a week with three of them earlier this month in Como, and we're going to the Netherlands in two weeks to spend time with two more. It takes work but is definitely worth it!
Thanks Michael for responding back. How nice that you and Brent have met people that have become good friends. Friendship, like all relationships, take hard work. I'll file that away for future use. Enjoy your trip to the Netherlands.
What a lovely post, Gayla. I suspect I would be in tears over that book,too.
Have you read, Let’s Take the Long Way Home: A memoir of friendship by Gail Caldwell? It’s also about a pair of brilliant women in mid-life, both writers, who meet because of their dogs. I loved it and I think you would, too.
No, I have not read that book, I've never heard of it. I downloaded it from Libby and I'm about 1/3 of the way through it. I have a feeling that I will be in a puddle of tears at many points through this book. You were correct, I am loving it. Thank you so much for the recommendation as I never would have found it on my own.
Oh, I’m so glad to hear this! it’s such a wonderful book.
Thanks for writing about two of my heroes and for recommending Nina Totenberg’s book. I’ve been listening to NPR and learning from Nina forever. No one is more knowledgeable and insightful about the Supreme Court--and I soaked up everything she had to say about her friendship with RBG. I’m not surprised that reading a memoir of a close and inspiring friendship between two such accomplished women at a pivotal point in your life would trigger some soul searching. I imagine it will do the same for me and many others as well. Thanks again for your honesty and insights.
Thanks for being here Ruth. It seems like I'm the only one that has never heard of Nina before; I truly wish I had been listening to her all this time. I would have loved to have heard more about her friendship with RBG in her own words, and not just through the book. I've devoured the few podcast episodes that have featured her discussing her book when it came out last month.
You did discover her--and that’s what counts! And you shared your insights with the rest of us, so now I’ll rediscover her and RBG through her memoir. 😊
Thanks Ruth and yes that is what counts! I need to learn to be more open, not just to books, but everything. I realize how "set in my ways" I've gotten about many things and I'm not happy with those things the way they are.
As long as we’re breathing, change is always possible. I feel like I’m always working toward a “better” self, though how I define that has changed through the years. We all need challenges--physical, mental, spiritual, whatever--maybe even more so as we age. Anyway, that’s true for me!
I feel like I've been listening to NPR - and Nina - for a good part of my life. No matter where I live, I always find the local NPR channel, plus NPR on my SiriusXM and now on the app every morning. It's just a part of my routine. Whenever I hear Nina's name, after I think of the Supreme Court, I think of how NPR gives away "Nine Totenbags" (tote bags) during their fundraising. ;-)
This is in my TBR pile, which I can't seem to keep up with. I'll definitely bump it up to the top. I dearly loved and admired RBG. At 50, I don't have the close female friendships I'd like to have, so I think that will probably make me love this more, as well as cry. I suspect I'll cry. Thanks for the great review!
Grab the tissues. If you are receptive, it will definitely make you cry. I don't know that this book would have affected me 5 years ago, as I wasn't receptive. I think being this close to retiring, and having a different future to look forward to than I've ever had in the past, makes me realize what I've been missing for quite a while. I'd love to hear what you think of it once it has made its way to the top of your TBR.
Well shoot, that book riot article just rocked my world. You’ve given me a lot to think about, Gayla!
Well, your comment has intrigued me; I'd be interested in hearing what specifically about the article "rocked your world." Do tell.
The idea of less is more and being ok with reading less. I have an ambitious goal every year, but the article has me asking: Why? And the idea of reading as the "master hobby" and the snobbishness that I have when it comes to reading. I love reading because it is something completely within my control that I can track and collect data on, which is appealing, and I don't want my numbers to diminish. I want to be known as a Reader. But why not just read when I feel like it? Why not play that video game I've been wanting to play? Why not spend time savoring a book more rather than seeing it as something that must be done and checked off? It gave me lots to think about and I appreciate you sharing it.
What great points you've made for less is more; you've given me a lot to think about now. I like the feeling of a sense of accomplishment and that is mainly why I set a reading goal. I won't get near it this year, and I'm not really sure of the reasons why. Thanks for sharing.